Gut-Wrenching: Halsey Describes Having a Miscarriage Just Hours Before Performing on Tour

In a gut-wrenching interview with Rolling Stone, “Hold Me Down” singer Halsey opened up about a life-changing moment that happened to her last summer while on tour: Just months before the release of her first record, Badlands, the singer got pregnant.

When she first realized she was expecting, she started questioning what this would mean for her career: “What happens? Do I lose my record deal? Do I lose everything? Or do I keep [the pregnancy]? What are the fans going to think? What are the moms going to think? What is the Midwest going to think? What’s f-cking everyone going to think?”

But then, Halsey says, she miscarried. She describes screaming when she found herself bleeding on a hotel bed, just hours before she was supposed to perform onstage. “I’m like, ‘I have to cancel this show,'” she recalls of the moment. “And everyone’s kind of like, ‘Well, it’s Vevo LIFT, and it’s 3 million impressions, so …’ No one knew what to do.”

Eventually, she sent her assistant to the store to get adult diapers. Then she put one on, took two Percocet, and went on stage to do her job. “It’s the angriest performance that I’ve ever done in my life,” she reveals. “That was the moment of my life where I thought to myself, ‘I don’t feel like a f–king human being anymore.’ This thing, this music, Halsey, whatever it is that I’m doing, took precedence and priority over every decision that I made regarding this entire situation from the moment I found out until the moment it went wrong. I walked offstage and went into the parking lot and just started throwing up.”

It still weighs on her. “I beat myself up for it,” she says. “Because I think that the reason it happened is just the lifestyle I was living. I wasn’t drinking. I wasn’t doing drugs. I was f–king overworked—in the hospital every couple of weeks because I was dehydrated, needing bags of IVs brought to my greenroom. I was anemic, I was fainting. My body just broke the f–k down.”

Halsey admits she had a choice of whether or not to go on stage that night, but, “I want to be a mom more than I want to be a pop star. More than I want to be anything in the world.”

After the interview came out, Halsey addressed it in a tweet to fans:

It was a year ago and I am growing past it and I am looking forward to the possibilities the future will bring me in having my own family. 🌹

— h (@halsey) July 28, 2016

You can read the full interview with Rolling Stone here.

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