On a Date With New Girl’s Lamorne Morris: Talking Expectations, Rom Coms, and the Question That Drives Him Crazy

Lamorne Morris has been kidnapped. To the outside world, he’s just fine—but if you ask him, he’ll joke that he’s being held against his will. “Are you sure you don’t want me to drive? I can drive, you can relax,” he says when I pull up to his house to take him out for our next installment of On a Date. “No, I’m fine. You just sit there and look pretty,” I joke to Morris, who since 2011 has captured our hearts as lovable Winston Bishop on Fox’s New Girl.

It’s a conversation that happens quite often between myself and the charismatic Chicago native, 32. We’ve been friends for years and also live down the street from each other. If there’s anyone I can kidnap for the next few hours, it’s Morris. He might complain for the first few minutes, but after lunch, when we’re driving through the Hollywood Hills, he suggests we take a detour to try to find the cool mansions you see overlooking the mountains (so see, I can’t be that bad).

Prior to skyrocketing to fame on New Girl, Morris honed his craft at the College of DuPage in Illinois, thanks to the Chris Farley Memorial Scholarship. In 2003, he started performing at the Second City and Improv Olympic, and in 2006, he moved to New York City, where he performed at the acclaimed Upright Citizens Brigade Theater and the Pit. Since moving to Los Angeles in 2008, he’s appeared in numerous TV series and independent comedies (most recently Sex Ed with Haley Joel Osment). Now, in addition to the fifth season of New Girl, he’s about to make his feature film debut in Barbershop: The Next Cut (out in April), opposite Ice Cube, Nicki Minaj, Common, and Cedric the Entertainer.

Over the course of our fiery meal at L.A. hot spot Roku (it was literally hot, complete with an interactive Teppanyaki grill and fire show!), not only did I make Morris wear a chef’s hat (judging by the photo below, I don’t know if he was too happy with that), but we had one of our most honest and open conversations to date—on what to never ask him, why he’s not sold on marriage, and the way to his heart. Let’s go On a Date!

Glamour: It took us forever to figure out what restaurant we were going to today. So when you go on a date with a girl for real, do you pick the restaurant, or do you ask her where she wants to eat?

Lamorne: Well, I make a strong suggestion. I say, “Hey, how about we go eat here at this time on this day?” If she says no, then I’ll call the next girl and say, “Hey, how about we go here…” No. [Laughs] I’m kidding.

Glamour: What are your first date turn-offs?

Lamorne: Someone who is fresh out of a relationship and lets you know about it on the date. Don’t talk about your ex. Another turnoff is punctuality. If she wants to meet somewhere and I end up waiting for 30 minutes, I’m already annoyed—unless it’s a very valid excuse. Sometimes it’s just like, “I had to put on my eyelashes!” That annoys me.

Glamour: Speaking of, what kind of look do you like on a first date?

Lamorne: I once heard someone say, and I kind of agree with it: “They give the man on the first date their worst, so you know what you’re getting.” Anyone can get dolled up or dressed up. If I roll over the next morning, and you look like, “What the f**k?” then that might throw me off. Or you get so comfortable in a relationship that you start to dress down and what attracted me to you originally might change. I love when a woman doesn’t have to put on makeup. I would love it if she was in sweatpants and a hoodie.

Glamour: Now you tell me! That’s the outfit I originally had picked out.

Lamorne: Really?! I don’t run your life! I want you to do what you want to do!

Glamour: What makes a second date happen for you?

Lamorne: There are no second dates. I’m just kidding. Honestly, if we laugh a whole bunch and have a great time and there’s some sort of sexual chemistry there, I could see us going out again. It’s rare that I go on a first date and don’t want to go out again.

Glamour: Should a girl text immediately after the date to say thank you or would you rather she waits until you ask her out again?

Lamorne: Listen, there are no rules. It’s just do whatever you want to do. Literally, do whatever you want to do. If I like it, I like it. If I don’t, I don’t. Then relationships become about strategy and there’s no validity to it. If you feel like texting me, text me!

Glamour: I beg to differ with you on this. You’re absolutely right, but if a girl shows too much interest right off that bat that often turns a guy off. No matter what, there’s often a chase involved, like it or not.

Lamorne: Yes, but lines are a lot blurred. It’s 2016. You can do whatever you want. If you want to take control of a relationship, I’ll allow that. Or I’ll let you think you’re taking control of a relationship. That’s fine with me. But I don’t see anything wrong with it at all. What it does is refresh my memory that we just went on a date.

Glamour: Do or Don’t: Following someone on social media right after you go out with them or even before.

Lamorne: Let’s be honest. Anyone going on a date with me is already following me on social media. But I wouldn’t follow them right away. If the date went terrible, I would feel bad to unfollow them.

Glamour: Isn’t it a little much though if a girl follows you on Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram, etc. right off the bat?

Lamorne: No. The problem—although not the problem—but when you’re in the spotlight or a celebrity, I have a lot of followers, so it’s hard to know. The odds are, they would be following me. ‘Cause it’s hard for me to meet someone who doesn’t know who I am. So, I’ll meet a person, and the conversation will usually start with someone saying, “Hey, nice to meet you. I love your show or your work,” or something along those lines. It’s really difficult [to date], so the social media thing doesn’t affect me at all.

Glamour: Let’s say you aren’t a well-known figure. If people didn’t know who you were and a girl followed you across all your social media accounts, would that freak you out a bit?

Lamorne: No. I put out some very entertaining material on social media! Check my Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat! I got jokes for days!

Glamour: How has being on New Girl affected how you date?

Lamorne: I have more confidence to talk to women. Before, I wasn’t the kind of person that would go up to someone and talk to them. Now, they usually approach me first, which is a lot easier for me. Once they approach me, I take the weight off of them and then start the conversation. It’s made it a lot easier for that initial date to happen. It’s made it harder in the fact that women sometimes think, “Oh, he’s used to getting his way, so I’m intentionally going to give him a hard time,” just because they don’t want me to think I’ll get my way because I’m used to that. That’s not necessarily the case. Occasionally, you’ll meet someone who is after the wrong things. It’s hard to tell that at first, but sometimes you’ll meet someone who’s just interested in what you do. Like, I’m on a date with a reporter and a fan. I’ve been on dates where people are like, “Where’s Ferguson the cat?” I’m like, “Are you f**king kidding me?” It’s like, “You’re not familiar with the term make believe, are you?” Or, for instance, I used to get this all the time: “What’s Zooey [Deschanel] like?” I mean, these are actual red carpet interview questions in season one! I would get those all the time on dates. Nowadays, I get, “Is Jake Johnson as hunky in person? Is he really like that in real life?”

Glamour: I should state for the record that these are really all the questions that I ask you every time we hang out.

Lamorne: [Laughs] Yeah, these are all the questions coming from Jessica. When I say, “other girls,” I really mean Jessica. But, you know, it does make difficult when you don’t know what a person is after. Money is one of them. They think you’re richer than God, so it’s all about expensive restaurants, nice parties, and events. Again, I can’t tell you how many relationships I’ve tried out where I realize the only time we hang out are at events or red-carpet thing or fancy bottle service place. If I say, “Let’s go to the movies,” it’s, “I’m tired.” Going to the movies is one of my favorite things to do. It tests them out though.

Glamour: Except that time a year ago when it was National Frozen Yogurt Day, and I wanted you to go walk with me to get free frozen yogurt and you said, “I’m not going to get free frozen yogurt! We can get that shit anytime!”

Lamorne: I don’t even eat yogurt, and you wanted to go to a place with thousands of people just to get free yogurt that would normally cost a couple dollars! You know what free frozen yogurt is? It’s because they have too much of it and have to give it away! You get irritable bowel syndrome from that!

Glamour: I was such a good friend though. I didn’t invite you to an event, I invited you to a regular thing!

Lamorne: I do regular stuff with you! I come by and wave to you, you brought me Ny-Quil. Regular stuff all the time!

Glamour: It’s almost an unwritten rule that you should never talk politics or religion with people you just meet, but obviously with dating, I think it’s a little bit different. Now that we’re in an election year, how much would somebody disagreeing with your political views affect whether you’ll date them?

Lamorne: It wouldn’t at all. Really. I have the power to persuade. [Laughs] I have a strong persuasion ability. So, that being said, also, there’s nothing wrong with a little friendly debate. We could see things differently, but still live a cohesive life. That’s what makes this country great. There are differences all around us.

Glamour: In honor of rom com week here at Glamour, how have romantic comedies shaped your views on relationships?

Lamorne: They don’t. I don’t pay too much attention. Being an actor, I mainly watch things for technique. I can watch for enjoyment too, but I don’t let romantic comedies dictate. It’s all farce. It’s all fake.

Glamour: What is it like then working on a TV show that is a romantic comedy?

Lamorne: Easy. Because they don’t give me that many romantic situations!

Glamour: But you’re getting a very gorgeous new love interest.

Lamorne: Eventually that is going to happen, and [yet] they’ll still find a way to make it less attractive for Winston romantically. I do something dumb.

Glamour: Since you’ve written for the show, what relationship themes would you like to see play out on the show?

Lamorne: We’re having a bachelor/bachelorette party theme coming up. I want a moment to land on New Girl that is very serious and has nothing to do with a Nick/Jess break-up. I don’t think the show is initially about relationships—it’s about friendships. And in friendships, people go through real dramatic things and dark moments. I’d like to see that for a split second. Just to make for more interesting television, but our show tackles that every once in a while. Another thing I’d like to see are more sporting events. I want a reason to be at the Staples Center filming.

Glamour: You just want Michael Jordan and LeBron James to come on.

Lamorne: Yes! That’s all I want. I want Winston to save Michael and LeBron from a burning house or something—and guess what, then they decide they want to coach me!

Glamour: Looking back on your first day at New Girl and that first year, what do you remember most?

Lamorne: Being very nervous. There was not a lot of story lines written for my character, so I was in my own head, like, “What am I doing here way in the background?” It was my first time doing television too, so I didn’t know if I could go out on a limb and improvise, I didn’t know if I could pitch story lines. The writers were having a hard time originally finding things for me to do because the show was new, and I was a last-minute character. The first season for me was fun but very stressful. In television, at any given time, they can replace a character, and I knew I wasn’t doing what I was capable of here, so I thought, “I hope they’re not getting a bad representation of how I can perform.”

Glamour: How have you changed since that first season?

Lamorne: I am more confident. I show up late all the time because I don’t care. [Laughs]. No. It’s great. I definitely have grown more mature in my life outside of the show. I don’t go crazy with eating and drinking because I know I have to be in certain shape for the show. I’m not saying I have ridiculous abs or anything. But there’s one way to find out ladies. [Laughs]

Glamour: Who do you see most outside of work?

Lamorne: I see Damon [Wayans Jr.] every once in a while, whether it’s a comedy club or a bar. I hang out with Hannah [Simone] a lot.

Glamour: We should mention, Zooey [Deschanel] is married with a baby, Jake [Johnson] is married with twins, Max [Greenfield] is married with two kids, so that makes it hard. Does it make you think more about having kids and being in a relationship since their lives revolve around their family?

Lamorne: Not really. I do want to have kids.

Glamour: Would you want kids without being married?

Lamorne: That’s a hard thing to say. I truly want kids, but I want kids more than I want marriage. There are some amazing marriages out there, but guess what, if something goes wrong, then it’s not a forever thing. So I kind of would rather have a strong relationship with kids, and if we saw it necessary to get married, then yeah, but it’s not my first priority.

Glamour: But you’d want to be in a serious relationship with kids, and not a single dad, right?

Lamorne: Yeah, I wouldn’t want to bring a kid into the world without a stable relationship. I think you need two people for sure. I mean, my mom did a great job with just being on her own. So, there are the exception to the rules.

Glamour: Do you think that changed how you view marriage?

Lamorne: It was hard for me to see relationships because I had a single mom. I haven’t seen my dad since I was about 8 years old, probably. So, I don’t see good examples necessary of quality marriages. I hear about them. And they look good on the surface when I do see them. Then it’s, “I’ve been married 40 years, bro. 11 of those years were happy. And by happy I mean she left me alone.” [Laughs] That’s what I hear from people. Newer marriages are all fantastic. I wonder what they’re going to say 20 or 30 years from now!

Glamour: When New Girl does eventually end, what do you hope for Winston?

Lamorne: I hope he’s no longer the butt of every joke. I don’t mind it to a certain degree, but…I like the character, but the older I get, the more I want to play Winston but with more attributes. I guess if you could combine season one Winston with now Winston…Winston was the voice of reason more back then. That would be cool, and I would want Winston to be on his way to being married. That would be interesting to see one of the characters on the show with a child. That would be a weird element. Because we’d all still be living in the loft. I mean, come on! At some point, someone has to grow up and get their own place!

Glamour: I don’t say this as a friend, but truly, you are one of the funniest people I’ve ever met. And yet, people think that just because you’re on a well-received TV show that it’s easy to get other roles. What myths can you dispel about that process?

Lamorne: It’s a struggle for a few reasons. One of them is scheduling. I am on New Girl when movies are being made and can’t do it. I can’t write as much as I’d like to, though it’s great to be on the show.

Glamour: We’ve heard so much about diversity in film. How hard is it to go out for the roles you want to play?

Lamorne: It’s difficult to say. I would say there is a shortage of roles, and a lot of movies that certain ethic groups, like black movies, only get recognition through other black mediums, like the NAACP Awards. That’s just as important as an Oscar to me. I would love one. Sometimes it seems the Oscars are a club. I don’t really have it in me to do that stuff. Michael B. Jordan said in an interview once that he just wants to play roles that aren’t the black this or the black that. The same with me. I can’t tell you how many agents have said, “There are no black roles in this movie.” And I say, “Well, it’s not based on a true story, is it?” I should be able to play any role, and they don’t see that. So it makes it very difficult for an actor. You have to be a megastar to be appreciated I feel like, and to have the power to say, “I want to play this role.” We’ll see what it looks like, but I haven’t read anything that I had strong…

Glamour: Is there a role out in theaters now that you would have loved to play, regardless of gender or race?

Lamorne: Any James Bond movie! I know there would be a lot of cool stunts. Any Kevin Hart role. I think he’s hysterical. I really do appreciate movies. I would have liked to have played one of the boxers in Creed. It’s a neat thing to transform yourself for a role too. To have to get into that kind of shape and dedicate yourself that much. On our show we don’t have that kind of time. The Matrix is my favorite movie of all time. I would have loved to have played Agent Smith in that, but with a sense of humor.

Glamour: Over the holidays, you took like 25 members of your family to see Creed. One of the previews was Barbershop: The Next Cut, which you have a starring role in. What was that moment like?

Lamorne: It was a pretty cool day. When the trailer came on, it starts off with the Chicago skyline, and my mom was going to get up and walk to the bathroom, and I said, “Oh, no, no, no, sit down and watch this!” She was like, “Oh my God!” It was cool to see my family clap and all that stuff, especially because I came from the same environment that they’re in now. To make it out of that environment and dream big enough and actually accomplish what you had your eyes on since you were a kid, it’s pretty amazing. It was just awesome for me too because I don’t think I’ve ever seen my face on the screen that big! [Laughs]

Glamour: It’s terrifying, isn’t it?

Lamorne: It’s like, “Wow, I am handsome!” [Laughs] That’s a lot of me.

Glamour: What was the experience like filming Barbershop?

Lamorne: It took a day on set to feel comfortable. You have Cedric the Entertainer on one side of you, J.B. Smoove on the other side, Anthony Anderson…some of the funniest people in the world are gunning it and telling hard jokes. My humor is physical comedy, facial expressions, etc., so it took me about a day, and then Ice Cube came to me and was like, “Hey man, you’re funny, dog. Keep doing it, keep improvising, we need that kind of comedy in this movie. There’s a reason why you’re here, so just gun it.” Cedric the Entertainer, once in a while, I would make him laugh, and that was like, “Oh my God.” Sometimes he would ask me to help formulate a joke, and that gave me the most confidence in the world. At that point, I was just like, “I’m supposed to be in this room.” It’s such talented people that it was very surreal for a while. I had one day of shooting that I’m not sure it’s going to make it in the movie, but the director and the producer, and a guy from the studio were all like, “This is hilarious. This is one of the funniest things…” and it made me go, “Wow, it wasn’t a mistake to hire me. Thank you for hiring me.”

The 100th episode of *New Girl * (with guest star Megan Fox!) airs tonight on Fox at 8 P.M. ET.

While we’re on the topic of funny men, here are 6 reasons why we love John Oliver: