Patti LaBelle’s Birthday: The 9 Best GIFs

While most of you are going to spend your Memorial Day weekend pulling a Jennifer Love Hewitt circa I Know What You Did Last Summer, a.k.a. stuffing your C-cup boobs into a shirt clearly designed for A-cups just so you can snag yourself a summertime boo, my mom will probably be kneeling before a shrine made out of wigs, Swarovski crystals, and a plate of collard greens in celebration of legendary R&B singer Patti LaBelle’s birthday.

That’s right, Ms. Marmalade turns one year older today. To celebrate, I could rattle off her career achievements—among them Grammy and American Music Award wins, induction into the Songwriter’s Hall of Fame—or describe how much she has influenced artists like Jennifer Hudson or how she will go down in history as one of the greatest soul singers ever. But, in my opinion, all that pales in comparison to Patti, the performer. The blood, sweat, and tears that she puts into each performance makes them stand out in an age where dead-eye performances from Rihanna and Britney Spears are the norm. I, unfortunately, haven’t gotten the chance to see Ms. LaBelle live, but thanks to YouTube and GIFs, I get to watch all of her onstage shenanigans, many of which are drop-dead hilarious.

So let’s take a look at this singer-actress-diva extraordinaire’s best moments:

1. It’s not until you finally beat your arch rival in the office Oscar pool after three years of trying that you fully understand how your grandma felt when she defeated her slick-mouthed neighbor in an epic six-hour canasta tournament and then celebrated by doing the “Baby Turtle Lying Joyously On Its Back Like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman When He Sees You’re About To Feed Him Arugula for Lunch”:

In this moment of ultimate triumph, you probably want to break dance like a kid from the wrong side of the tracks who is auditioning to get into a performance-arts high school. But when you get up in age—and by age, I mean 27—you have to accept that the most you can do is move like a Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robot.

2. The “Even Though I’m Almost 30, I Still Get Excited When I Go To My Parents’ House and Their Refrigerator Is Full of Groceries” dance

is one that’s as old as time because it’s pretty versatile. Sure, it’s normally used when you see that your parental units bought the good kind of mustard or have three-ply toilet paper, but you can also use it when your furniture delivery from Macy’s arrives and you have just enough money in your purse to cover the tip or when you learn that your Facebook crush is now single. In short, this is the go-to LaBelle move when you want the world to know that your life is nothing but an endless loop of Rafiki hoisting baby Simba in the air:

3. What I love most about the “I Just Had My Fourth Glass of Eggnog So I’m Going To Dance To This Bing Crosby Christmas CD Like It’s Sisqo’s ‘Thong Song'” two-step shuffle

is that when friends and loved ones see this happening, just like Prince, they will get out of your path the way my brother would move his character while playing Resident Evil so that the zombie walking toward him would crash into a wall.

4. Sometimes, you’re happy because everything is going your way: You’re driving home from work, and it’s nothing but green lights, so the trip takes you only 15 minutes; you score tickets to a Jay-Z concert, and you’re asked out by a guy you’ve liked for a while. But things come crashing down, and that’s when the “I’m On a Date and the Dude Waits Until After I Order the Lobster and Shrimp Combo To Tell Me We’re Going Dutch” holy ghost

inhabits your body, and you’re frantically trying to flag down your waiter, so you can change your order to a plate of chicken tenders and a glass of tap water. Don’t be embarrassed about this. It’s just the world trying to keep you humble.

5. We’ve all been there: We’re leaving the mall with a bunch of shopping bags and feeling like a triumphant Kelly Clarkson song until you have that “I’m Trying To Walk Past the Save The Children Clipboard Guy, But Then He Compliments Me on My Shoes, So I Turn Around, Talk To Him, and Before I Know It, I’m Sponsoring All of East Africa and Parts of Taiwan” situation

Yes, you did get duped, but it’s for a good cause. So suck it up, cut back on how much Starbucks you purchase, and take comfort in knowing that you’re buying Pampers for a bunch of United Colors of Benetton-looking kids.

6. The “During a Staff Meeting, Your Boss Announces That Summer Fridays Start Next Week and Instead of Internally Cheering, You React the Way Your Drunk Girl Friend Does When a Taxi Driver Declines To Pick You Up Because He Doesn’t Go To Brooklyn, So She Kicks a Shoe at a Car Tire“

is when you believe strongly about something whether it’s as non-important as deciding that Ryan Gosling has a better body than Ryan Reynolds or as serious as deciding that Ryan Gosling has a better body than Ryan Reynolds. Point is, it’s always Ry Gos and don’t let anyone try and tell you otherwise.

7. There will be times in your life when you really are trying to do your best, but you get sidetracked by a distraction, and that’s when the “I Left My Apartment Early To Beat Morning Rush Hour Traffic, But as I Walked To My Car, I Smelled Baked Goods, So Now I Will Be Late To My Boyfriend’s Sister’s Quinceanera Because I Stopped at the Bakery” eagle flap

comes into play. Look, being late as hell to an event looks bad, but as long as you bring enough tres leches cake for your boo’s family, they will forgive you.

8. Surprises are the best, but because they’re unexpected, it’s good to practice your reaction so the next time you’re surprised, you’ll know to do the “My Best Friend Just Told Me She Hates Changing in Front of Me Because She Thinks My Body Looks Better Than Hers and I Will React To This Statement Like I Just Won an Oscar Over Meryl Streep”:

Normally, when your bestie says something like this, you’re supposed to go, “No! You look so good. You’re being crazy.” But let’s be real, this is the ultimate compliment, and it might never be said to you again, so bathe in its glory. That means no crying and wiping tears with your eyes closed. That mess is for amateurs. Keep your eyes open and soak in the awesomeness that is this moment.

9. The “Praise Jesus That I Finally Outran the Heifer on the Treadmill Next To Me, But as Soon as I Start Celebrating, I Cramp Up and Collapse To the Ground in Pain”:

Yep, that’s pretty much what I get for being smug like I’m a superstar, when I’m really just a hot mess like Lolo Jones tripping over a hurdle at the 2008 Summer Olympics.

Happy birthday, Patti LaBelle! Glamour readers, what are some of your favorite Patti moments/performances?