The Mob Wives/Jennifer Lawrence in American Hustle Mashup

I’m gonna blame this one on the stretches of subzero weather we’ve had over the past couple of weeks: I’ve gotten really into Mob Wives. Never watched the show before, so all the blood is new to me, but New Blood has me utterly hooked. It’s not the outrageous style that sucked me in. It’s not the crazy, creative profanity (these girls could eat Wolf of Wall Street for breakfast). It’s the fact that these women have seriously kept a super-passionate fight going for episodes on end now over the word “delicious.” The bizarreness of it all delights me. And then, you know, there’s Big Ang; 60 percent of the time, I’m patiently waiting for them to cut to Big Ang.

This guilty pleasure of mine dovetails nicely with one of the biggest movies of the year—American Hustle. In it, Jennifer Lawrence kills the role of Rosalyn: wife of Christian Bale’s con man, keeper of pristine long nails, starter of fires that are not a big dea-ahl, OK? I couldn’t help but come out of the movie wishing J.Law’s Rosalyn could join the cast of Mob Wives. Let me just pitch you that season, OK?

Rosalyn joins the cast. At first the girls act all cold and unimpressed, like what does she know about the mob, y’know?

Then Rosalyn hits them with this shot:

And they’re like, Respect. Renee takes Rosalyn under her wing and teaches her to stop trying to hear things that don’t do her NO good.

Rosalyn’s catchphrase is, obviously, “Don’t put metal in the science oven, Rosalyn.” Alicia will eventually mistake the word “Rosalyn” for “Garofalo” and lose it, contesting that no one tells her what to do.

But can she point with the best of ’em?

Of course she can.

Not only that—she would take the art of drunkenly stomping out of a party (flapper-themed or otherwise) to the next level.

And she’d get right in on the whole “personal philosophies that never totally come together” thing.

Big Ang would start to feel threatened.

But later, they’d bond over their glamorous neck injuries.

And their exceedingly casual approach to fire.

Right? Do come at me like that.