The Most Insane Lines From the Scream Queens Premiere

Remember how we warned you that Scream Queens wasn’t PC? We may have made a bit of an understatement, and you may have realized that right around the time Emma Roberts spat the words “Deaf Taylor Swift” in voiceover just minutes into the premiere.

02 emma roberts scream queens

The show has a mouth on it, that’s for sure. But regardless of which lines you laughed at and which ones you squirmed at, let’s not lose sight of the thing that truly makes Scream Queens an agent of instant impact: twisty, insane, poetic dialogue for female characters. Re-reading the best Chanelisms from the premiere, it’s official: Scream Queens‘ first victim is the bland 2-D bestie. (Spoilers ahead.)

The moment we knew Chanel wouldn’t be apologizing for any off-color things she went on to say: “A lot of people talk smack on sororities and how they’re a class system. Well, guess what? Life is a class system.”

On her predecessor (who got an acid spray tan that’ll haunt our dreams): “That girl was a total bitch. She thought she was all that because her family founded Olive Garden and she had no gag reflex.”

An excerpt from her efforts to sell Ms. Bean on her side of things: “If Dean Munsch gets her way, Kappa will be filled with fatties and ethnics. The fatties will bring their big ol’ appetites, and you know what those ethnics’ll bring with them? Weird spices from their home countries.”


Just your standard overheard-at-Starbucks convo: “Thank you, coffee donkey…ugh, you burnt the milk! Learn to make a pumpkin spice latte, you psychopath.”

How Chanel lets you know it’s time to go: “I SAID LET’S HIT IT MS. BEAN!”

When someone tells Chanel she’s an awful person: “Maybe. But I’m rich and I’m pretty, so it doesn’t really matter.”

When people mess up Chanel’s plans: “Forget about the blood oath. Every time I plan something, you bitches ruin it.”

When it’s hell week: “You’re about to get hazed harder than a suburban banquet hall during bat mitzvah season.”

A glimpse into the root of all (her) evil: “My parents didn’t even call me on my birthday because they were too busy holding a fundraiser for Jeb Bush.”


When she found Grace in the basement: “You’re a snoopy little bugger. And I don’t like snoopy little buggers.”

Because Chanel never settles: “I only wanna haze these pledges if we’re gonna haze them in a fresh, exciting way.”

And, finally, the quote that will sink Chanel’s journalism career someday when Chanel #5 turns on her: “No. We’re doing it. I am a future network news anchor. That involves a little thing called the media, which is like chock full of gays. If I presided over the first sorority ever to accept a gay, imagine how far that would get me with my future gay makeup person, my gay wardrobe person, not to mention my creepy gross gay viewers and weird gay higher-ups.”

Add a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

1 + 6 =