OMFG Alert: “Jersey Shore” Star JWoww Has A Clothing Line (Kind Of)

I was in a crowded bar in downtown Manhattan on Saturday night when I decided that Jersey Shore fever had officially infected my entire demographic: Hordes of twentysomethings were “ironically” pumping their fists and using phrases like “stalk my whole life” to total saturation point, but that was nothing compared to the bombshell that was dropped on me yesterday afternoon. Not only can you dance and talk like the best-known inhabitants of Seaside Heights, you can now dress like them, too.

It’s the single most disturbing piece of fashion news to come across my desk since I started working at STF–honest to blog. The Cut has discovered that Jersey Shore cast member Jenni “JWoww” Farley is embarking on a fashion venture with her own trash-tastic clothing line! According to her official website, “Jenni has created the ultimate in fashionable clothing. She will be reinventing the term ‘Sexy Sophisticated.’ Not only will her line be ‘Edgy’ and ‘Sexy’, but it will make people of all ages and body type feel more confident in ‘the scene.’ This exclusive line will be limited and custom made to your body type. Remember you don’t want to be that person at the club that see’s [sic] someone else wearing the same thing…”

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So far she seems to be selling just one top, and I’m pretty sure you need to have silicone enhancements to hold it up, and she doesn’t reveal just how it will be “custom made to your body type,” but hey…if you send her a photo of yourself wearing it, she’ll make you a model on her website! Let’s enjoy a little refresher course of some of Jwoww’s most memorable outfits before deciding to buy anything from her, shall we?

If you’re looking to flaunt your breasts, your coin slot, your stomach, and your legs all at once in tattered and bleach-spattered clothes that look equally at home on a stripper pole, a go-go platform, or a centerfold…we’ve found your new favorite label! I’ve aired my grievances about “celebrity” clothing lines before, but I’m pretty sure I could devote an entire book to this one. Please, pretty please, Jwoww, spare us all the sad fate of seeing shameless carbon copy Jersey Shore wannabes walking the streets…

Oh, and there’s more! Read about the Jersey Shore-inspired fashion reality show hitting airwaves soon…

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Photos: Scott Gries/Picture Group/courtesy of MTV