Exactly How to Have Sex on a Plane

Are you ready to earn those wings and be inducted into the exclusive Mile-High Club? Well, in the words of Airplane, “We have clearance, Clarence. Roger, Roger. What’s our vector, Victor?” (Blogger’s note: Germaphobes should have Purell on hand while reading this post.)

These two really need to get a room.

FYI, while sex on a plane might not exactly be legal, here’s what you need to know if you’re going to attempt it.

1. Overnight flights are the jam for joining the mile-high club.

Most passengers are sleeping and not up and about going to the restroom. It’s also when the bathroom will be the cleanest (which, unfortunately, is still not that clean).

2. Timing is imperative.

If you’re not on an overnight flight, wait until the flight attendants start serving drinks and head to the back. They usually start in the front and people rarely use the loo at this time.

3. Standing up is the only option, unless you want to sit down on the grody toilet or kneel on the nasty floor–which I’m assuming you do not.

I suggest facing the door and placing your hands over your head for resistance (helps for oxygen too!). He can stand behind you, pull down your pants and unzip his so your clothes never have to touch the floor.

4. Ask for extra blankets and make use of empty seats.

Have your man prop himself against the window and get on his lap. If you pretend you’re sleeping and throw the blanket over you head (I sleep like this on planes all the time to shut out the light). Also, you don’t need full on penetration to be inducted into the club.

5. Be careful when entering and exiting the restroom.

Go one at a time. If you’re caught, just say that one of you was feeling ill and that’s what all the noise was about. Or you can blame the screams on the crying baby in aisle 23.

6. Make it quick.

Over 15 minutes and you’re going to arouse suspicion. And be ready to disengage at a moment’s notice. Last thing you want is your man to get in trouble for concealing a weapon (in his pants).

__OK, who’s done it? And who wants to? Or is it just not your thang? Any other tips to add?

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More sex in an unusual places:

• Exactly How to Have Sex on the Beach

• 5 Tips for Hooking Up in a Car

• Sex Tip From a Guy: The Specifics of Public Sex

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