How to Deal With a Penis Princess

We’ve all been with those guys—the ones who are all geared up to go at the first moment of contact, but once you hit the bedroom and things heat up, their equipment starts to get fussy. All of a sudden you go from hot and heavy to just…heavy. You have no idea why it’s happening and it’s not always the easiest thing to address. We know how sensitive men are about their private parts!

You panic, and scenarios swirl in your mind: Is it too cold? Is he too drunk? Did he get distracted? Is the condom rubbing him the wrong way? What you do know is that his picky penis has interrupted what should have been a pleasurable evening.

When you have sex with a penis princess, it feels like his penis is running the show. “The penis likes this. The penis dislikes this. The penis like this too much, so you better stop moving immediately.” This only makes you want to scream out, “Well, the vagina gives up!”

If you care enough about the rest of the guy, there are ways to pleasure even the most high-maintenance member. Here you go:

Penis Princess #1: Performance-Anxiety Guy

This penis is eager to please. He really wants to be the penis he initially was during the heavy-petting stages of your initial hookup. But once the spotlight hits and the clothes are off, he gets a case of stage fright and freezes up.

Give him extra encouragement and a lot less pressure. Chances are, he is either nervous or too much in his own head, so his brain and his member are in direct disagreement. Help him relax with a massage and focus on stroking his ego before you start stroking anything else.

Penis Princess #2: The Foreplay Flounderer

This penis is all about intercourse. He can keep it locked and loaded for the main event, no problem. But the minute the focus turns off of him and onto you, he loses it.

While your guy is manually or orally pleasing you, give Mr. Impatient a steady stroke. You could even dabble in a light 69, if the mood suits you. If you aren’t in arm’s reach of his member, captivate his mind with some sexy words. Tell him how much you like what he’s doing and how you can’t wait to return the favor. Should perk the little guy right up!

Penis Princess #3: The Latex Hater

Whether it is due to a lack of sensitivity or a general dislike of condoms, he’s suddenly sullen the minute you hand him one. Well, guess what. Unsafe sex is not an option (unless you’ve both been tested, are exclusive, and discuss using another form of birth control), so experiment with different condoms until he finds one that’s juuuussst right. For example, LifeStyles SKYN condoms have a more natural feel than normal latex. So there! No excuses, girls.

Penis Princess #4: The Position-Picky Guy

We’ve all met this penis at some point in our lives. He is only happy thrusting in turbo mode, often on top or from behind. If he doesn’t get to have things his way, he becomes fussy and will stop what he is doing to sulk. It doesn’t matter if his favorite position does nothing for you—this penis must have its way!

The only way to handle this particular penis princess is to compromise. Try your favorite position first, when he’s most aroused, then switch to his. Or have him give you an orgasm with oral first, and then let him reach the finish through sex in his position of choice.

Penis Princess #5: The Minute Man

He is the most excited, the most enthusiastic, and the most sensitive. Imagine this: You show up at a buffet starving, and all the food looks so incredible that you can’t wait to try everything in sight. And then you get full after the first baby quiche and leave feeling dissatisfied. This is the life of the minute man, and according to recent studies, he is more common than you might think.

Here’s what to do: Suggest that he pregame solo beforehand (clears the pipes, so to speak) or pick positions that give you more control of the pace during sex and employ the start-and-stop method (if he’s a good communicator). Or you could bring in a little helper and try a delaying spray like Promescent.

*Emily Morse is a sexologist, host of the Sex With Emily podcast, and cofounder of Emily & Tony. She has a doctorate in human sexuality and is the author of *Hot Sex: Over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight and a weekly cohost of the nationally syndicated radio show Loveline With Dr. Drew Pinsky.