How to Use Hot Wax in Bed Without Burning Your Damn Skin Off

Hot wax can be an excellent, accessible way to bring some kink to your sex life. It’s got an erotic, BDSM-meets-sensuality vibe that’s intense without being super intense, and since a recent study found that 50 percent of Americans want to try BDSM in some form or other, hot wax also seems like a great place to begin the exploration.

“Massage candles engage so many senses all at once,” says Sunny Rodgers, clinical sexologist for Jimmyjane. “The seductive scent, often created with aphrodisiac fragrances and essential oils, sets the mood and combines with a gorgeous radiant glow from the candlelight.”

But how exactly does someone introduce wax into the bedroom, especially if neither you nor your partner has actually done it before? After all, the last thing you want is to burn your effing skin off because you attempted something new and sexy—pretty much the antithesis of sexy.

Luckily, we’ve got the goods. Here’s your step-by-step guide to introducing hot wax into the bedroom, burns not included.

Do not just grab some random tea light and go buck wild.

Listen from those with experience on this one! One of my best friends texted me recently about the best way to drip hot wax on her partner during sex. She was worried she’d burn him. “Well, obviously you don’t just use a candle from your cupboard,” I told her.

“Oh, you don’t?” she replied. “Shit, I was really just gonna go for it!” And I can see how this would be confusing. If no one tells you not to use a regular candle for wax play, how would you possibly know?

So let me be absolutely clear on this: Using a candle from your bathroom or kitchen will result in second-degree burns, scars, and possibly a trip to the E.R. Don’t. Do. This.

Fortunately, it’s never been easier to buy a candle that’s specifically made for sex play. (They’re often called massage candles, in case you want to do some of your own research.) My personal favorites are the Babeland massage candle in Honey Almond ($6–$16) and JimmyJane’s Afterglow candle in Deep Vanilla ($29). They smell heavenly, and the wax naturally heats to the right temperature—102 degrees, to be exact.

“Massage candles are soy-based and have a low melting point,” Claire Cavanah, the cofounder of Babeland, tells Glamour. “Instead of melting down into wax, they become oil. Because they don’t get as hot as regular candles, you don’t have to worry about burns or getting wax off your skin.”

Let the candle burn evenly through for 30 minutes.

The only moderately annoying thing about massage candles is the wait time. When you pour wax over your partner, the wax inside of the candle can burn unevenly, making it difficult to use the candle in the future since there is too much wax on one side and not enough on the other. Plus, it just looks like crap.

To avoid this pitfall, wait 30 minutes after lighting the candle and allow the wax to evenly melt to the edges of the candle’s container. The Babeland candle even comes with a nifty little brush so you can dip and spread the wax on your partner without spoiling the candle. Rogers advises to just enjoy the preplay vibes: “Allow the seductive scent to set the mood and enjoy basking in the sexy glow of the candlelight.” I mean, if you insist…

Blow the flame out before using the wax.

Here’s a riddle for you: How do you get the candle wax out of the candle without the candle going out?

The answer is that you blow the candle out beforehand! Who knew?

The soy-based wax melts into massage oil that won’t harden up in the blink of an eye like a normal candle. The wax stays liquefied for about 30 minutes, giving you plenty of time to use it. “Soy is also rich in Vitamin E to leave skin soft, nourished, and rejuvenated,” Rogers tells us. Bonus!

Know the best places to pour.

Rogers tells us that the ideal spot to try to hit is around the neck and shoulders, “Given the moisturizing benefits of soy massage wax, a foot massage is also great for helping dry, rough heels,” she says. “The feet make a great starting point since they can cause mild arousal and offer an easy transition to more influential erogenous zones, like the back of the knees and inner thighs.”

Under no circumstances are you to put the wax inside your body. That means you should absolutely not drip it into the vagina, or you could wind up with irritation and/or a yeast infection. If you must use it on the labia, be extremely careful. “Massage oil is not lube and shouldn’t be used that way,” says Cavanah.

Adds Rogers, “And use sparingly, because a little massage wax goes a long way.”

Getting the wax off once playtime is over.

To shower or not to shower? That is the question after hot wax play. The massage oil is full of rich vitamins, skin-safe, and excellent for moisturization, so if you leave it on, it should eventually soak into the skin making showering unnecessary. That said, if it’s a little too oily and making you feel gross, just hop into the shower and rinse—it should come off easily with a little body wash or soap. I tend to worry about my sheets getting nasty, so I always rinse, but it’s really a personal choice.

Now go forth and get to dripping, baby!