Is It Possible to Get Engaged Too Soon?

Congrats are in order for Amanda Seyfried, who is engaged to her The Last Word costar Thomas Sadoski.

The actress’s publicist confirmed the news to People after she was spotted wearing a band on that finger while walking her dog in New York City. According to reports, the couple started dating in March, but some people are hung up on the fact that they’ve only been together for six months. “What’s the rush?” one commenter said. “Don’t do it, girl,” wrote another.

Sure, a lot of people date longer before deciding to get engaged, but does the length of time you date pre-engagement really matter? And is there really such a thing as getting engaged too soon?

It depends, says licensed clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D., author of Should I Stay or Should I Go? “In theory, this is a lifelong commitment, and some people shop longer than six months for cars,” she points out. “My concern is that after six months, you are still in the dopamine phase of the relationship.”

But licensed marriage and family therapist David Klow, owner of Skylight Counseling Center in Chicago, says that it’s tough to say exactly how long you should date before you decide to get married. “The quality of time matters more than the quantity,” he says. If a couple is having deep talks, getting to know each other as much as possible, and their values and outlooks in life match up, they may not need that much time to decide if they’re compatible, he says.

Clinical psychologist John Mayer, Ph.D., agrees, noting that getting engaged quickly doesn’t seem to have an impact on the future health of the relationship. “In my work with couples, the time before you’re engaged means little to nothing,” he says. “Remember, the period of engagement is also a time to get to know each other.”

However, he points out, getting engaged too soon can put a lot of pressure on a relationship, especially if you want to get married quickly.

Age can also be a factor. “Older couples generally have the maturity to make these decisions with more experience and reason,” Mayer says—meaning you’re probably more comfortable with a shorter engagement in your 30s vs. your early 20s because you’ve seen what you want (and don’t want) in a partner.

But, ultimately, experts agree that the right amount of time to date before an engagement really depends on the couple. “Twenty-four hours is probably too quick,” Durvasula says. “After that, all bets are off.”