“My, You Have A Beautiful Vagina,” And 5 Other Reasons I’m Boycotting Getting My Hoo-Ha Waxed.

So I’m counting down to an island vacation with J and instead of thinking about tropical drinks, glowing skin and new bikinis, here I am dwelling on the status of my freakin’ vajayjay. To wax or not to wax: that is the question. I’ve got six rather convincing reasons telling me to stay away from the hot wax from hell but I’m *still *wondering if I should just bite the bullet one more time for a shave-free holiday. Help!

I’ve only ever gotten waxed twice. Each time was before a vacation and equally as painful. After my last wax, about a year ago, I vowed* only *to do my own personal grooming. But now another vacation is sneaking up and J just loves how a waxed lady feels (of COURSE he does, why doesn’t he get a ball waxed and THEN talk to me). Well, to assist with my conundrum, I’ve compiled a super-helpful pros and cons list of whether or not to get waxed. Oh, wait, no. These are just the first six “oh HECKKKK no’s” that came to mind. Well, here goes:

1. Cost I’ve come to the realization that I have a blue-collar vagina. Yes, I like to splurge on many things in my life but when it comes to my precious hoo-ha, I’m a cheap old lady clutching her purse strings. With all this said, waxing prices can really add up (especially when you factor in the tip) and, well, *not *really fit into a tight budget.

2. Prep Before you can get a hair-free look, you’ve got to let it all grow out. I know the natural look is preferred by some, but it’s just not for me. After one week of no shaving I feel like a hippie of sorts and, not to mention, totally unattractive (and J, by the way, could not care less). I also feel paranoid that everyone else around me can tell that I haven’t shaved and start walking all weird. It’s just a hot mess and I wish this on no one. But I especially do not wish this on ME.

3. It’s AWKWARD Yes, I actually know someone who went to get a Brazilian for the very first time and had someone tell her, “My, you have a beautiful vagina.” She was both proud and scarred all at once. Oh, and nothing beats spreading your legs for a stranger. Wait, I lied, it’s kind of horrible!

4. Beware a chatty waxer I once had a woman working on my ladybits while talking about her cheating ex-boyfriend and asking about MY love life. I kept flinching, thinking she’d pull the next strip off with more intensity if I didn’t try to badmouth J too. Why couldn’t she just comment on MY beautiful vag like a nice esthetician? Jeez.

5. Pain I have a pretty high threshold for pain but waxing hurts. I mean, it’s quick but it still HURTS. I’m not a screamer or anything; I’m a polite breath-holder. But, apparently, I’m also a bleeder. Last time I went (which also just happened to be right before “that time of the month”–a major no-no, by the way), after only a couple strips I was told, “Ooh, you’re a bleeder!” I was in pain all day long. Needless to say, it was not exactly that I (or J) had in mind.

6. It really doesn’t last that long After a wax, I can go one full week without shaving but by the second week I can already see light breakthrough hairs. Not enough to shave, but I can see those buggers trying to weasel their way back. I admit, I have thick, dark hair, so maybe it’s just me. But it’s just so sad once my hair starts growing again so quickly. I literally have to get waxed within a day or two before I go on vacation (which, obviously can’t be longer than a week) if I want to go razor-free on my trip. It just doesn’t seem fair that I have to be a hairy beast. Why can’t I be one of those girls who can’t remember the last time she shaved and still looks like a hairless cat? I WANT TO BE MR. BIGGLESWORTH! Life is so unfair sometimes.

I think it’s clear that waxing is totally unpleasant. But it does last longer than shaving. Should I just suck it up before my next vaca with J and get waxed one more time? I do feel sexier after I get it done (and the pain and bleeding have subsided)… which leads to hot vacation sex (bow-chicka-wow-wow). Or, should I take care of grooming my own ladybits? Maybe even let it all grow out and then try to make something magical happen down there (more often than not I wind up with some kind of asymmetry).

What do you gals think? Are you pro or con waxing? Do you think I send J to get a ball waxed and let him see what it’s all about? Ha!

More on personal grooming [chuckle, chuckle]…

• Let’s Reveal Our Bikini-Area Grooming Habits!

• Relationships: Does Your Boyfriend Pay Attention to Your Grooming Habits?

• What He Thinks of Your Hair (Down There)

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