Oral Sex Tips: How to Get Your Guy to Return the Favor
*Dear Single John, *
I have been married for 2 years and I was wondering why my partner won’t go down on me? I even take a shower before we start hooking up, hoping he will do it. He says he doesn’t like doing it, but he’s never tried it (not with previous girlfriends, either, he says). But he asks for oral all the time! I don’t get what the big deal is. Please help. – Fed Up But Left Wanting
A close friend of mine, whom we will call Jasmine, believes that oral sex is love. Pure and simple. She considers it the most loving, involved act—placing someone’s sex in our mouths, and while I don’t necessarily agree, I get it, and like Jasmine, I am a great fan (of both giving and receiving).
Unfortunately, your husband is not on board this particular ship. But that doesn’t mean you need to throw him, or your hopes, overboard. He can learn (we all had to at some point).
I have a number of male and female friends who “just don’t like doing it.” They have tried, and for whatever reason, it is just not their thing. I have other friends who have always loved it. Still others who grew to love it. And still others who don’t love it, don’t hate it, but do it to please their partner. Hopefully the husband will eventually fall into one of these two categories.
First you need to talk to him about exactly what it is he doesn’t like. Did he have a bad experience? Does the taste bother him (can’t see how this is possible considering he’s never tried)? Is it cultural (someone like his dad, his brothers, or his friends have filled his head with reasons why he shouldn’t)? Is he just intimidated by the unknown?
If he won’t give a reason and refuses to budge, there’s always the option of a war of attrition. I don’t see any reason why he should be getting head if you’re not (you can keep having sex, just no blow jobs until he’s man enough to get one).
Once he’s willing to try, there are some simple ways to coax him along. You mentioned it already, but showering is a great way to throw open the doors to your vaginal dining hall.
Position yourself in a way that’s inviting, and not too strenuous on his neck. Make it easy for him.
Giving head is ultimately fun and a huge turn on (at least for me) because of a woman’s reactions, so go ahead and cheer him on. Let him know he’s doing a great job, but at the same time, be an encouraging camp counselor. Let him know in positive terms when he’s being too gentle, too rough, if he needs to move a little to the left, up or down. Maybe help him find your clitoris and don’t expect him to do too many things at once.
Finally, be patient. No one is a pro the first time out, and the last thing you’re going to want to do is discourage him. It should be all carrots, no sticks.
P.S. Lots of great sex questions lately. Keep ’em coming. Just clink the link below. All names will be kept anonymous.
Do you like performing oral sex? Have you ever dealt with a guy who didn’t?
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