Reader’s Dilemma: He Wants to Have a Threesome. And I Don’t!

Yikes! We recently received an email from a loyal Smitten reader who is having a major relationship dilemma. You see, her beau would like to add another partner to their bedroom adventures, but she feels three is so not the magic number.

Writes our anonymous reader:

My boyfriend of two years is constantly telling me how much he wants a three-way and is pressuring me into saying yes to having one. No matter how many times and ways I tell him that it is not my thing, he doesn’t give up. How can I make him stop and give up on the idea? Also, if I don’t give him a three-way, is he more likely to cheat?

And here’s what I think:

Thanks so much for reaching out. And so sorry to hear you’re in this awkward spot.

It’s been said time and time again, but it definitely deserves to be repeated: relationships are all about respect. If something makes you uncomfortable or you feel strongly against doing it, stick to your guns. A good boyfriend is one who will respect your wishes and not pressure you into doing something you don’t feel comfortable with.

Plus, if he’s been harping on you for awhile about this, I imagine it’s putting stress on other facets of your relationship. Does it always come up in fights? Or maybe he brings it up after a round of hooking up?

If you haven’t already, I’d suggest having a very serious sit down conversation with him. Have it when you’re both thinking clearly–not late at night or lying in bed–and while you’re both fully clothed. Tell him that a three-way is out of your comfort zone and that your feelings on the issue are not going to change. Explain how his constant nagging is putting a strain on your relationship; bring up specific examples of when he made you feel bad about it. Though your guy frequently fantasizes about them, he should know–as most people do–that threesomes aren’t for everyone. Some people love them, some are curious and still others are completely against them.

Perhaps you two could come up with a new fantasy you’ll both be comfortable with. You could meet up at a restaurant or hotel and pretend to be strangers? Then you two could have hot, sort of anonymous sex with each other. A few months back, one reader told us all about the “pretend” threesome she had with her boyfriend. And only her boyfriend.

If you don’t agree to having a three-way, will he be more likely to cheat? Hard to say, but I hope not. Has he suggested he might find his kicks elsewhere if you don’t give in to the threesome? If he’s threatening you with this sort of behavior, drop him like a rock.

One last thing to consider: remember in high school when teenage boys often pressured their girlfriends into doing things they weren’t always ready for? If you could go back and give your high school self a bit of insight about that sort of dilemma, what would you say? Now place yourself back in the present. Imagine your future self (let’s say the you of 2021) could share a gem a wisdom about this very predicament. What do you think she’d say?

Ladies, have you ever been in a similar situation? What sort of advice do you have for our reader? How would you react if a boyfriend were pressuring you to do something you weren’t comfortable with? And how do you feel about threesomes?

Dating dilemmas aplenty!

• How Do I Convince My Ex That It’s Really Over?

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• What Is The Right Amount Of Time To Wait Before Sleeping With A Guy?

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