The 7 Rules of Love Rehab

If you’ve ever…

Held your ex’s cell phone hostage after a breakup (Guilty)

Lamented the loss of your future as the wife of a boat-owning man you’d never met (Guilty); or

Skipped your flight home to hang out with a guy you met last night at a wedding (Guilty, so guilty!)

…then you might need some love rehab. Jo Piazza’s new book, Love Rehab: A Novel in Twelve Steps, is just what the doctor ordered for anyone who who needs to face it, they’re addicted to love.

Since I’m very obviously in need of it, the book is packed away in my bag for my beach trip this weekend. For those of you who haven’t quite overdosed on love but could use a little guidance, Jo shared seven handy (and hilarious) rules cards for us to live by.

Below are her rules and the situation that inspired her to declare each of them a necessary law of love. Read them, pin them, remember them:

Jo’s inspiration: “Dramatic outbursts come in all shapes and forms. This rule was inspired by the time I bought a one-way ticket across the country to confront a guy who broke up with me in the hopes he would swoop me into his arms, admit this was all a hilarious misunderstanding, and confess his undying love. Unfortunately he had already confessed his undying love to someone else the night before….and she was still in his bed when I got there.”

Jo’s inspiration: “I was at a bar on a Tuesday night when a friend actually said to me: ‘It’s weird that Jeff (the under-employed video-game enthusiast she had gone on three dates with) hasn’t told me he loves me. The guys on *The Bachelorette * fall in love so quickly.’ Enough said.

Jo’s inspiration: “Another girlfriend of mine had a problem drunk-texting a guy we liked to call Hot Bobby. One night she drunk-booty-called a very sober Hot Bobby, did a dance around his room, became irrationally opinionated, and accidentally tore down his stand-alone closet. Text a friend or text your grandma, but respect a certain blood alcohol limit when it comes to digital communication.”

Jo’s inspiration: “I’ve watched friends Facebook stalk every female that appears in a new love interest’s news feed to try to figure out whether he has slept with her. I’ve seen couples break up over the tagging and not tagging of photos. I have seen friends CSI a Twitter feed to determine a crush’s exact location at any given moment. I’ve helped friends draft too many late-night wall posts to count. Social media can be relationship Kryptonite, plain and simple.”

Jo’s inspiration: “When I was single and in my late twenties I became convinced that getting together with my also single male best friend was my destiny (despite the lack of chemistry). When Harry Met Sally promised this would be true. When he invited me to Puerto Rico for a weekend, I became even more convinced we were MFEO. Four hours into our trip, he came out of the closet.”

Jo’s inspiration: “This rule came after I heard all of the following from friends after a first or second date:

‘His cheekbones would be so pretty on a little girl.”His parents have a great place upstate for a wedding.”He has never been to Antarctica either. It would be the best place for a honeymoon cruise.”His apartment would look great with my furniture in it.’

It is always harder to break up with your future husband than with some dude who bought you a half-priced mojito at happy hour.”

Jo’s inspiration: “Summer put it best to Seth on The O.C. when she told him he only wanted her when he couldn’t have her. It’s a sad truth that we cling to what we can’t have. I once dialed an ex-boyfriend 37 times from a friend’s wedding three time zones away. The next morning I wrote this on a napkin. “Sometimes things end and that has to be OK.” That napkin is still on my fridge.”

Thanks to Jo for sharing her very sage advice. I may need to get that last one tattooed on the back of my hand as a constant reminder.

Check out more on Love Rehab here.

How great are Jo’s rules? Which do you need to follow?

Other ways to cope:

Raise Your Hand If You’ve Ever Handled a Breakup Exactly Like This

How to Heal a Broken Heart…in Just 24 Hours?! (If This Really Works, Sign Me Up!)

The Very Expensive Way Katy Perry Is Supposedly Dealing With Heartbreak (Who Wants to Buy Me One?)