What Does Dirty Talk Even Mean, Though?

Not to get all Ayn Rand on you, but I suspect the kind of dirty talk that turns you on is directly related to the power dynamic of your relationship.

Yes, I know I have a divisive opinion on this subject, but dear All The Single Ladies, back me up on this?

It’s one thing to be in a long-term relationship and spice things up with naughty lines. That’s somewhat reminiscent of how longtime BF/GFs spice up their routine sex with role-playing or light BDSM. It’s fun because the sexual context you’re in is inherently emotionally safe.

But when you’re hooking up with someone you’ve been on a few dates with, or–ahh, even more complicated!–someone you’ve been hooking up with forever who’s not interested in a relationship (while you are). As someone who’s been in that position, I gotta admit that dirty talk, ironically, began to mean something else entirely to me: sweet nothings. You know. Conventional, love-y, long-term-y, ’50s-housewife-sounding stuff. If I could slip in a “baby” or a “sweetheart” in here and there without receiving some sort of derogatory reply, that was pretty titillating. Because there was a momentary illusion of emotional safeness with the person, which, in turn, made me more sexually comfortable. See how that works?

Point being, you can be as graphic as you want, but depending on the dynamic of your relationship, in some circumstances (especially if what you want is more of an emotional connection), conventional dirty talk just may not be what grinds your gears. Or, it does, but in a robotic call-and-response way.

Do you guys get what I’m saying? Have you ever had this happen to you? What does “dirty talk” mean to you?

More on dirty talk:

Dirty Talk: 3 Easy Ways to Pull it Off

Dirty Talk: Here’s What NOT to Say In Bed

Dirty Talk 101: How Guys Really Want You to Talk About Sex

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