6 Ways NOT to Ask Your Wedding Guests for $$$—Plus, the ONLY Way You Can Request Cash Without Looking Like a Jerk

In the early days of Save the Date, I stumbled across this gagworthy poem (1)—which a couple included as an insert in their wedding invitation—and declared it a major DON’T.

For a couple of years we’ve lived in sin,>

We have a toaster, a kettle and a stainless-steel bin.>

Saucepans and towels we have many,>

Corkscrews and flannels we don’t need any,>

We just want you with us to celebrate our day.>

But if you insist on a gift anyway,>

What we’d really like is a gift of money,>

We hope you don’t think we’re being funny!>

We’ll put it all together and buy something that’s best,>

As a reminder of our day and our wonderful guests!

And still, asking wedding guests to hand over cash seems to have gotten MORE popular in the past few years. So HuffPo just asked etiquette expert Xochitl Gonzalez if there’s any way to request money without seeming like a big ol’ jerk.

Her thoughts: “The most elegant phrasing I’ve ever seen was (2)‘Flat gifts preferred’ or__(3)‘No boxed gifts please’ or(4)__’Please support our First Home fund.’ But either one makes me shudder, to be honest.”

I agree. I think it’s in poor taste to mention gifts (monetary or otherwise) on the invite—or as an insert included with the invite—even if you have what you think is an “elegant” way to phrase your request.

HuffPo also posed the question on Twitter and Facebook. Here are some of the replies they received:

(5) “Monetary gifts are being accepted at this time to put towards their much-awaited honeymoon to _____.” —Toni Geib via Facebook

(6) “Just invited 2 a wedding. They simply printed ‘Gift cards or monetary gifts only please’ on the invite. I’m cool w/ that.” —@klondyke69

I’m not cool with either of those.

Read the full HuffPo story here.

Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I think the only way to ask for gifts is to register for them. And then the only way to spread the word about your registry is to tell your parents and your bridal party and hope that your guests know enough to ask them. So by that logic, if the ONLY thing you want is cash, you COULD let your nearest and dearest know, and hope they know how to tactfully pass your wishes on to your wedding guests.

Your mom’s comfortable yelling, “Hundred dolla bills, y’all!” right?

Just kidding, but she could say, “As newlyweds, I know what they’d really like most is money. If you’re not comfortable giving money, they’ve set up a small registry at Store XYZ.”

And I DO think every couple should have a small, traditional registry, because even if you really, really only want money, you need to respect the fact that some people might not want to write you a check. (You also need to accept the fact that, if you don’t have a registry, those people are probably going to go rogue and buy you gifts anyway.) I also think you need a small, traditional registry even if you have a nontraditional registry—like a honeymoon fund—too. Some of your guests might want to buy you an actual gift, not a fancy dinner or a couple’s massage.

I understand that if you’ve lived with your groom for five years before you got engaged, you probably already have everything you need and more. (Especially if one of you was already married.) Even if that’s the case, EVENTUALLY you’re going to need new sheets or towels or dishes, so register for them now, and leave them in the basement (or the attic, or at your parents’ house) until you need them.

And if you really, really, for real, don’t need ANYTHING, there’s one other way to ask for cash: in the form of donations to your favorite charity.

Do you guys think it’s every OK to ask your wedding guests for cash? Is there a tactful way to do it? Or is it ALWAYS tacky?

Oh, and I’m not saying GIVING cash is in poor taste. JUST asking for it!

Photo: Thinkstock.