Breaking News: Girl Marries Truck. Claims Sex Life is “Amazing”

Huh?

That’s hot.

The text is of this story is too blurry to read, but I think the big type above the story provides WAY more information than I needed.

“Unable to feel aroused by men, Maria Griffin married her truck on Valentine’s Day.”

Read the full story here.

I tried to envision this scenario for about eight seconds, but all the “lube job” jokes running through my mind got in the way of the mental imagery.

I’m all for girls marrying boys and boys marrying boys and girls marrying girls—I’m even okay with people marrying multiple people. But a grown woman marrying a truck is just weird. (I mean, I’m sure I married a Ken doll or a Michael Jackson poster at some point in my life. Like, when I was 6.)

If you were going to marry an inanimate object, what would you marry? Do you agree that people marrying inanimate objects is weird? Or is it nice that this woman feels that close to her automobile?

Today I would marry my fancy new GPS running watch. And maybe a skinny vanilla latte.

More wacky wedding news:

• D’oh! Guess Where a Bride Lost Her $10,000 Wedding Ring! (This Is Why I NEVER Take Mine Off!)

• This Bride Was Arrested at Her Own Wedding! Guess Why!

• Would You Compete Survivor-Style to Win Your Dream Wedding?

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Photo: Thinkstock