Was Ben Affleck Being a Jerk When He Called His Marriage “Work”? Jennifer Garner and I Both Say NO Way!

Yes, he won the award for Best Picture, but Ben Affleck was skewered post-Oscars for comments he made about his marriage to Jennifer Garner during his acceptance speech. (Headlines included What Was Ben Affleck Thinking? and Do You Think Jennifer Garner Told Ben Affleck Off for Disrespecting Her?) Here’s the “disrespectful” snippet that reportedly warranted a “telling off.”

“I want to thank you for working on our marriage for 10 Christmases. It’s good. It is work but the best kind of work and there’s no one I’d rather work with.”

While everyone else was buzzing about marriage troubles, it turns out Jennifer Garner took her speech mention as a compliment. From Us Weekly: “I had a friend call and say, ‘Are you OK?'” she revealed. “I know Ben, I knew he meant it as the hugest, warmest compliment in the world,” Jen explained. “I think he was saying, ‘Look, what we have is really real and I value it above all and I’m in it with you and I know you are in it with me.’ That’s the way I took it.'”

Read the full story here.

That’s the way I took it too. Anyone who thinks that a marriage isn’t work probably has never been married. (And they’ve DEFINITELY never been married with kids.) There are plenty of things about marriage that are easy and effortless, but there’s definitely work involved when you’re both at the office late and the dog hasn’t been walked for hours and you have exactly zero groceries in the fridge. And you have to put in some effort when you’re debating whose parents to spend Thanksgiving with and who’s responsible for your kid when his school decides there will be a random Tuesday off with less than two weeks’ notice. Yes, you have to work hard at a marriage—just like you work hard for anything you value. You work hard at your job. You work hard to train for a marathon. Even keeping your stupid apartment clean is WORK. But you put in the effort because you like being employed and in shape and not on the cast list for an upcoming episode of Hoarders. If your marriage doesn’t involve some level of “work,” then you’re probably not putting enough effort into it. And I’m not saying every day takes a grueling amount of effort, but I think you always need to be conscious of your relationship’s give-and-take, and make sure you’re not doing too much of either.

Do you think Ben Affleck was being a jerk for calling his marriage “work”? Or do you think he was being kind—and honest? And do you “work” (or plan on “working”) on your marriage?

Photo: Getty Images.