I Almost Had an Orgasm From Laser Hair Removal

I’m sure you’ve heard plenty of beauty horror stories that start out by trolling for deals on beauty services. And yet, there I was, hitting “purchase” on a discount laser hair removal service at a place I’d never heard of in the middle of Manhattan. A good friend of mine had just been telling me how she’d recently had it done and loved it, and seeing how lazy I am about shaving (incredibly lazy), I figured it’d be worth it.

Up until this point in my life I’d never had anything lasered before—actually, I’d never even gotten waxed (only read about it). So when I walked into the salon during my lunch break I really had no clue what I was getting myself into. This place had great ratings on Yelp and tons of rave reviews, so I figured I was in good hands. (Or so to speak.)

I signed in with the doorman, which was a little awkward off the bat. Since he knew what floor I was going to, I felt like he knew a giant laser was waiting for my vagina upstairs. But I wrote my name down and moved along.

Upstairs, more check-in awkwardness. I had to fill out a form with invasive questions like, “Do you have any tattoos on the area that you’re going to get lasered?” “Have you ever had any STDs?” “What’s your current hair removal regimen?” By the end of it, I thought, This man knows me better than any of the people I’ve slept with. But I understood why the questions needed to be asked.

I went to a room to begin the procedure. “Do I just take everything off?” I asked the technician. She nodded. Before I knew it, I was naked on the table.

She started with my underarms. Surprisingly, it didn’t hurt at all. The laser was a little warm, but she rubbed a cooling gel over my armpits that made the experience more pleasant. And she used a firm pressure in circular motions to get every angle and stray hair. It was weird, certainly. But not painful. I did notice the machine seemed like it was acting up a bit. It’d rev up for 10 seconds and then stop, so she’d have to kick it for it to start again, or go to the wall and unplug it and plug it back in. Nothing seemed wildly out of the ordinary. Machinery acts up, right?

Then, she moved down to my bikini area, and that’s where things started getting really weird, really fast. That refreshing cooling gel? It suddenly felt…lubey. And the constant pressure in a very constant circular motion, combined with the warm laser—I’m sure you know where I’m going with this.

At first, I laughed it off. Like, OK, this is strange. But the feeling kept escalating, and I just thought, “Oh, this is interesting.” Then, without any warning, the technician grabbed my leg and threw it over her shoulder, so I was jack-knifing her. And she just kept going at it—I mean, going at it—leaving no part of my anatomy untouched.

I tried to power through it. I focused on my breathing and thought about how it’d all be over soon. But this was a 40-minute session, and my underarms had only taken a few minutes, so you can imagine how much more time she had to spend down there. My mind started to race. Do I say anything? I thought. And then, Can she tell I’m getting hot and heavy?

Obviously, there are some physical signs that signal you’re about to get off, and frankly, I started to get self-conscious. The sensation eventually became so intense that I almost kicked her in the face! I literally had to shut my legs and put my foot back on the table because I was about 10 seconds away from orgasming.”

“Is it too hot?” she asked me.

“Yes! Yes, the laser’s too hot,” I answered quickly, kind of happy she gave me an out, but also a little bummed. I mean, it did feel good.

I think she got the message, because after that, I didn’t have to jack-knife over her shoulder again. But she did flip me over (doggy-style!) to get my back parts.

To make the whole experience even more laughable, she wiped me down like a baby at the end, since I was covered in what was essentially petroleum lube. It was seriously all over me. I got off the table, and then I tipped her. It was such a strange way to end the session—like a happy ending.

And after all that, I still went back for my second session. I want my hair gone, you know? Thankfully, it wasn’t quite as erotic because I knew what I was walking into…and they gave me a different technician who had a—how do I put this—gentler touch.

[Editor’s note: This was as told to story. Surprisingly—or not—no expert we contacted to ask if orgasms are a common occurrence during laser hair would provide a comment.]

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