How to Make the Emoji Movie 100

Your keyboard is about to become a big star. Sony is developing a movie based on the emojis—dancing twins, crystal ball, the whole gang. The hilarious thing about this—besides the fact that, you know, a studio is about to spend tens of millions on a blockbuster starring the ends of our text messages—is that after decades of advancing animation to the point that Pixar characters are almost people, kids will be lining up to watch characters we could draw on the back of a napkin.

That being said, emojis are important to us. They’ve become part of our emotional vocabulary and we’re feeling rather protective of them, really. Here are our hopes, dreams, and demands for the film.

Don’t make the emoijis people. Make them belong to people. Take a page out of Inside Out‘s playbook and attach our little critters to the feelings and goals of humans. Who wouldn’t want to watch the tale of Blushy Face and Single-Tear Face racing back and forth across the digital network to help salvage a romance?

Speaking of romance, the coupling combos are endless here. And no obvious ones, please! Getting Flamenco Dancer and Cool Surfer together is the very definition of basic. Let’s see Pig Nose and Fancy Poodle find out what they have in common. How about a one night stand for Stonehenge guy and Lady Liberty? And will poor, plain Acorn ever find love?

Go big with the villains. We wanna see a whole squad of ne’er do wells walking away from explosions. The Purple Devils should be there, pushing Pile of Poop on a cart. But so should some stealthier bad boys. Permanent Sunglasses—what’s he hiding? And we all know Pager has an ax to grind. As far as heroes go…

Ghost is the lead. This is non-negotiable. And frankly, we’ll be disappointed if there isn’t a vicious casting battle. Ghost is a genderless mystery thus far, but we’re obviously pulling for a woman. We like to think that Kristen Stewart, Lupita Nyong’o, and Jennifer Lawrence are all going method right this minute, begging for auditions while throwing on white bedsheets and blackening their left eyes.

And naturally, heart-eye cat will play the sassafras BFF. Sure, she’s a hot mess—she still calls Monster emoji when she’s feeling lonely and she’s prone to slurping too many Unidentified Tropical Drink emojis. But she’s always there when you need a good Cry Face or Pizza Slice. The spin-off potential here is, well, Lightning Bolt Double Heart Prayer Hands.