I’ve heard that for guys, sex is like pizza: Sometimes it isn’t the most stellar thing in the world, but it’s never actually bad. Unfortunately for us ladies, that definitely isn’t the case! When we’re lucky, sex is knock-our-socks-off amazing, but there are also countless reasons it can range from a disappointed “meh” to a mortifying “let’s please just forget that ever happened.” While some sex sadly isn’t salvageable because life just isn’t fair, there are a few ways to turn a few of the most common issues from an “oh no!” into an “oh yeahhh.”
He’s all about the jackhammer. While some really powerful action can definitely be a good thing, if a guy is forcefully pounding away to a staccato rhythm with grim determination, it can be weird. Not to mention painful! You can ask him to slow down, but some men are basically wind-up toys and when they get excited, their default is to pound away like you’re a particularly tough bit of concrete. To have him ease up, get on top. You’ll be in control of the action, so you can prove to him just how much fun you can have once be breaks out of that routine.
You can’t get out of your head. Whether it’s body image issues or a looming deadline at work, those intrusive thoughts that interrupt the middle of sex can be a complete buzzkill. The key? Tune in to your body 100 percent. Focus your attention like a laser on what your guy is doing and the physical sensation it produces. If that doesn’t work, try changing the position or activity into something that always turns you into a babbling fool, you love it so much. All that pleasure will help crowd out any other thoughts.
He’s overly attentive. It’s undeniably sexy when a guy focuses on your pleasure, but sometimes that turns into him asking, “So, how does that feel? Is that OK?” when he makes even the most minuscule of movements. While checking to ensure you’re having a good time is necessary, being too attentive can come off like he’s unsure of himself. Head off this problem from the start by being extra vocal so he’s reassured that you love what he’s doing.
He doesn’t try to help you get there. Kick him to the curb. Kidding! Sort of. If a guy is neglecting your needs in bed, have a frank conversation about it. Unfortunately, pornography has conditioned guys to think it’s as easy for women to orgasm as it is for them, so he might not realize he may have to put in some extra work. During your next session, direct his hands or mouth in exactly the way you want. If he tries to skip the foreplay and get right to the main attraction, say something like, “Sex is so much better for me after I’ve already had an orgasm.” And if he still doesn’t focus on you enough? He’s proving he holds his pleasure above yours—not sexy, and a legitimate reason to move on.
He finishes too fast. Change up positions as soon as he gets close! It may seem like the new sensations would push him over the edge, but introducing a novel feeling can actually reel him in a little. If that doesn’t work, hit up your nearest sex shop and ask about sprays or lotions that can help him last a little longer. They exist!
On the other hand, he takes too long. Some guys think women want all-night lovin’, when in reality, many of us are fine with something in between “wham bam thank you ma’am” and endless action until the sun comes up. When you feel sleep calling your name or are getting a little sore, whisper something sexy and simple like, “I want to see you come.” It’ll be hard for him not to finish when you say something like that!
He’s. Totally. Silent. Yikes! Unless you’re doing some sort of hot role playing or trying to be incognito for a reason, a guy who won’t make a peep can be disconcerting. It makes you wonder: Are you doing it right? Does he like it? Or would he rather be anywhere but very intimately acquainted with you in this moment? While it’s true that some guys are quieter than others, many also feel self-conscious because there’s this weird myth that making noise during sex isn’t “manly.” This is categorically false. To help him feel more comfortable, tell him mid-session how much you’d love to hear some feedback. Go for something like, “I think it’s so sexy when you moan my name.” He’ll find it pretty hard to resist that temptation!
What are your tricks for improving bad sex? And have you ever been in a situation that seemed totally unfixable?