OK, but Seriously, How Long Does It Take to Get Over a Breakup?

There’s no getting around it: Breakups suck no matter who does the dumping. Still, when you’re on the bad side of a split, not only does it sting a little worse than it might have if you had pulled the plug, but you’re also faced with one question that no doubt keeps circling in your head: “How long does it take to get over a breakup?” Unfortunately, experts say it can take a while—but maybe not as long as you think.

How long does it take to get over a breakup? It takes at least six weeks to get over a breakup for most people.

“Breakups hurt,” says licensed clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D., author of Should I Stay or Should I Go? “We take six to eight weeks to heal a broken leg after it has been cast, so why not a broken heart?”

Breakups come with a complicated range of emotions—sadness, self-doubt, and anger—she says, and they’re incredibly disruptive to your daily life, especially if you were in a serious relationship. That takes time to move on from.

Brandy Engler, Psy.D., a licensed psychologist specializing in relationships, says there are a few major factors that can influence how long it takes to get over a breakup: What you tell yourself about the breakup, what you tell yourself about the future, and what you tell yourself about yourself.

If you tell yourself that you were the victim and your ex was the villain (which, to be fair, may be what happened), it can take longer to move on, Engler says. However, she notes, breakups are often more complicated than that. “The truth is that most couples cocreate their issues,” she says. “Most people lose sight of the nuances of how they failed each other and develop simplistic, all-or-nothing negative statements about each other.”

If you start worrying that you won’t find someone new or no one will be as good as your ex, it can also draw out the recovery. “It’s better to tell yourself that you are on a path to learning how to love better and keep your eyes on that goal of improving your ability to connect and love so that the next relationship will be better,” Engler says.

As for how you view yourself … it’s tempting to engage in a little self-loathing when a relationship goes south, but, really, that’s not healthy or helping anything. Instead, Engler recommends taking a few minutes each day to meditate and focus on loving every part of you. “Cultivate an attitude of self-nurturing the pain, and the sense of good will toward yourself will make it hard to do self-destructive things, which is really tempting after a breakup,” she says.

If meditation isn’t your thing, Durvasula recommends engaging in some self-love habits like getting plenty of sleep, eating well, exercising, and spending time with your friends. If you’re able to, she says, it’s also a good idea to get a change of scenery—take a vacation or a day trip. “Seeing the same places and spaces can make things hurt,” she says. “If you can get out of town, it can be a reboot.” And, she says, get off social media: “The last thing you need is to see your ex moving on.” Finally, don’t be afraid to have a serious crying session. “You are not bigger than your emotions—experience them, and if you have a friend to turn to that you trust, all the better,” Durvasula says.

After six weeks most people start to adjust to life without their ex, but it can take up to three months to feel back to normal, says Durvasula. “It could be a lot quicker, but typically it’s not much longer,” she says. “I tell my clients all the time: Give everything six weeks before you think you are not coping well.”

If all else fails and you still feel like you’re in a rut, it may be time to consider therapy. “Sometimes a breakup can really throw you for a loop in a way that stretches beyond the limits of what a friend can provide,” Durvasula says. “Therapy can be a safe space to talk it out, share fears, and help you address past issues the breakup raises, as well as get your heart and mind ready to get out there again.”