So One of The Bachelorette Guys Just Revealed a ‘Big Secret’ to Becca

I’ll admit it was a little harder than usual to sit on my couch and snark about things like Blake’s dancing given that tonight’s episode of The Bachelorette was interrupted by President Trump’s Supreme Court nomination. Like, no big, this is a person who will influence our country for generations to come. But I’ll let our very intelligent and hard-working news and culture team tell you all about Brett Kavanaugh’s qualifications—read that here—and channel all of my feelings about it into this recap instead. Spoilers ahead.

We’re in the Bahamas this week, and Becca tells Chris Harrison she’s looking forward to “no drama.” LOL, we’ll see how that turns out. She also admits she’s starting to catch feelings for a few of the guys, though she’s afraid something will ruin it. Something like…a social media controversy coming to light right as the season airs? Maybe?

Anyway, Becca tells the guys that this week’s format is a little different: There will be three one-on-one dates with roses and a group date with one rose, and no rose ceremony. Colton gets the first solo date of the week, and the reaction from the other guys is awkward. “None of us can see her with Colton,” Blake confesses. Then we learn a bombshell: Colton’s a hiding a “big” secret from Becca. He’s a virgin.

Cut to a million soundbites from Becca about how hunky Colton is and how their relationship is full of “passion” and how he can “pick me up and do whatever he wants.” Editors, I thought you were supposed to be on Becca’s side? What gives? It gets worse: Right as Colton is about to tell Becca that he’s a virgin, a man rolls up in a yellow boat to tell Becca she needs more “conch” in her life. Yes, Colton and Becca are going diving for conchs solely so The Bachelorette can make a bunch of penis jokes.

The two learn that the conch’s pistol is considered “Bahamian Viagra”; they try it, but Becca, still ignorant about Colton’s sexual history, assures us they don’t need an aphrodisiac. That night Colton finally—finally!—tells Becca he’s a virgin. She responds by excusing herself from the table, leaving him to sweat it out alone. When she eventually returns, Colton explains that he’s not waiting for marriage—he’s just waiting for “the right heart”—and Becca assures him she’s not one to judge. For her, the fact that it’s not “a marriage thing” but rather “a heart thing” is a good sign. TBD if Becca’s “the right heart” when it comes time for the fantasy suites, but Becca gives Colton a rose.

Garrett gets the next one-on-one date: a seaplane to a private island, but instead of looking out at the gorgeous views they just make out. When the plane lands, Becca yells “wooo!” and confirms something I’ve long suspected: She’s a total woo girl.

On the beach, Becca and Garrett do that awkward pose where she stands in front of him and cranes her neck around to kiss. Just turn your body around!

They stop kissing long enough for Garrett to admit that it’s been tough seeing the other guys go out on dates with her. He opens up a little more about his divorce later that night. According to him, his ex was “hot-headed” and he felt like he had to change who he was to make her happy. Becca admits this makes her nervous—that he wouldn’t be his real self around her—but he claims he’s learned by now not to let a red flag linger. They do not talk about his social media history, which is a red flag I would like to not keep lingering. Anyway, he says he’s falling in love, and she gives him a rose and calls him “a stand-up man.” Hmm.

The next day Becca takes Blake to a beach party where the Baha Men are performing. This is much more my speed—way better than conch jokes or spending more than 20 minutes with Garrett. They’re having a good time, until Blake confesses that he’s gotten in his head this week thinking about her with the other guys. Over dinner he opens up about his parents—his mom had an affair with his basketball coach/English teacher when he was in high school—and how it’s made him realize he wants his family to be better at communicating. Then he tells Becca he’s in love with her. They kiss, and he gets a rose.

In the morning, Wills, Leo, and Jason meet Becca for the dreaded three-on-one date. Her time with Wills and Jason goes well, but when she sits down with Leo he admits that he feels like he needs more time with her to get to where some of the other guys are at in their feelings. She agrees and says it’s better if she doesn’t bring him to hometowns. So with that, Becca, Wills, and Jason get in the boat and leave poor Leo wandering around alone on the island. Luckily, if there’s anybody capable of swimming back to the Baha Mar, it’s Leo.

That evening Becca calls Jason out for moving a little slower than the other guys, but he says he does feel strongly about what they have. Wills, meanwhile, gets emotional as he describes his love for Becca. Apparently that’s not enough, though, because she dumps him moments later—in front of Jason, no less. So rude! Wills deserves better, and also his shirt is excellent tonight.

Next week: It’s hometown dates! “He’d be a hot dad.” “I don’t want you to pick him.”